I find beauty in vulnerability because therein lies love. Sometimes in our drive for self-fulfillment we lose the true meaning of passion. the textbook definition, to paraphrase, is an almost obssessive interest or desire. If this is true, then the deepest of all passion is not in a hot sexual encounter or a fiery love affair, or even in tireless effort given in one's career, artistic endeavor, or even the gym, but is within those who are always there, willing to sacrifice their own dreams and desires for something that is vastly more important to them: the well-being of another. There is no greater passion than to steadfastly place someone else's happiness before your own. Many would say, "ah, well, that's bullshit, what does it matter if anybody else is happy if you're miserable?" but that would be missing the point entirely. A person who depends solely upon self-interest would indeed be un-happy, but the one who strives for another's wellness fills many hearts including their own. No matter how big our lifting total, no matter how low our "Fran" time, no matter how satisfying our sex lives, no matter how much influence or authority we hold over others, we are all at our greatest when we are brought to tears because our heart has been touched, and that can only happen to a willing heart, an open heart, and vulnerable heart.
This is an age when shit-talking is king, and boy do we do a lot of it, hell, it's fun, I enjoy it. But we should never give the silly selfish ideas we banter about too much import, and we should never lose sight of what is most important, and that is the willingness within ourselves to give and not expect in return. Money is only good when being spent, and sex is only good during the act itself, but love is always its own reward. Some may wish that they were Ghengis Khan or Cleopatra, but I would rather be the guy who works his ass off at a job he couldn't give two shits about just so he can come home to play with his kids and hang out with the wife.
And so a new week begins, with a few lessons learned. I mixed last night's protein shake more appropriately, and drank it much slower, and guess what...no tummy ache. Took melatonin again last night, was still rough getting to sleep, but I eventually got there, and I think I got enough to get me through today. I sure wish it was easier for me to get there though. I'm going to work on that. I believe I already posted that I changed my rep scheme, which means I might have to drop the weight I'm using in my work sets, but that's okay, because I will make much better progress in the longer term. I'm also adding 10 min. of warmup cardio and stretching at the beginning of workouts.
I need to start thinking about what I'm going to do when I return from deployment. I plan to take some time off and travel a bit, meet some people I've been chatting with online and such, also visit some family I haven't seen in a long while. But, after all that, life goes on, and I need to consider this and move forward. I have a few possible paths at the moment, the most promising of which is using my GI Bill and finishing my degree while working for a good friend, at the same time assisting another friend establishing a promising fitness facility. I would be dishonest, however, if I didn't admit that the idea of leaving Kansas is alluring, but, at this moment, all of my most feasible options are there, and, hey, life could be much worse.